Election 2017: Can It Be Funny?

BEFORE YOU CONTINUE

After the terrible events of last week, I was unsure whether to publish this humorous look at the Election.

The political leaders had rightly suspended campaigning in respect for the victims.

And the whole country was in shock that anyone could be so evil.

Thankfully, the British spirit never left, and we determined that terrorism could never change our way of life.

The election campaign has recommenced.

So here’s my take on it…

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The 2017 UK General Election Made Very, Very Simple
(Maybe Too Simple)

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I don’t follow politics much.

But from what I see on Facebook, it appears there’s a General Election looming.

So I’ve tried to make a bit of sense of it.

Correct me if I’m wrong. But these are some of the main candidates for Prime Minister, and here are their plans:

 

Theresa April

Theresa has called an election to get some support so she can wave goodbye to some people in Europe. Her party has also promised a shake-up of the elderly care system. But does this “shake up of the elderly” include free rides on the bone-shaking Big Dipper at Blackpool Pleasure Beach?

Jeremy Carbon

Jeremy wants to nationalise some things – like they used to be in the 1970s. I remember the 1970s well, so I do hope he brings back British Leyland because I used to like the Morris Marina that my cousin drove – even though it seemed to use more engine-oil than petrol. But at least it had a built-in rattle.

Tim Fahrenheit

Tim’s come up with an idea to charge everyone more tax, and he’ll give that money to the NHS. But I’ve got a better idea: why not have a vote to leave the EU so we can give the NHS £3.6million every week. I’m surprised no one’s suggested that yet.

Nicola Steadyon

The SNP are into renewable energy. I don’t know why ‘cos it’s never windy in Scotland. But I actually like the idea of renewable energy. This morning I had a hot shower. If I can re-use this morning’s gas to cook dinner tonight, that’ll be fantastic.

Paul Nutallergy

Paul’s team, UKIP, wants to limit immigration. I never really understood calculus, and I bet you struggled with it too. So unless you’re a mathematician, limiting the amount of immigration by differentiation that students have to work through can’t be that bad.

Howling Laud Hope

The leader of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party (and the only person whose name I managed to get right) has some powerful proposals which will save the NHS millions of pounds: “Germany to pay for all treatment of German Measles, and Spain ditto for Spanish Flu.”

 

So that’s it in a nutshell.

I hope I’ve summed up everyone intelligently.

OK… forget that last sentence, then.

All you need to do now is decide where to put your X.

Or perhaps you could emigrate.

Now there’s an idea.

Mind you, where can we go now without a load of hassle?

OK – I’m off to see Elon Musk. See you on Mars!

Your Election Story

Listen, I don’t want to know how you’re going to vote.

And I’m sorry if I’ve not poked fun at your favourite politician. These are the politicians I found on the BBC website, so you can blame them! OK? (I must admit to changing a few names though to protect the innocent).

But I’d love to hear your funny election story. 

So please share it in the comments box below.

Just remember not to promote your favourite party (anything considered biased won’t be published).

Go on… make us laugh. We need it.