{"id":1144,"date":"2017-05-29T06:00:35","date_gmt":"2017-05-29T05:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.davidwithington.com\/blog\/?p=1144"},"modified":"2017-05-27T14:10:47","modified_gmt":"2017-05-27T13:10:47","slug":"election-2017-funny","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidwithington.com\/election-2017-funny\/","title":{"rendered":"Election 2017: Can It Be Funny?"},"content":{"rendered":"

BEFORE YOU CONTINUE<\/strong><\/p>\n

After the terrible events of last week, I was unsure whether to publish this humorous look at the Election.<\/em><\/p>\n

The political leaders had rightly suspended campaigning in respect for the victims.<\/em><\/p>\n

And the whole country was in shock that anyone could be so evil.<\/em><\/p>\n

Thankfully, the British spirit never left, and we determined that terrorism could never change our way of life.<\/em><\/p>\n

The election campaign has recommenced.<\/em><\/p>\n

So here’s my take on it…<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Polling<\/a><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

The 2017 UK General Election Made Very, Very Simple<\/span>
\n(Maybe Too Simple)<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

.<\/span>
\nI don’t follow politics much.<\/span><\/p>\n

But from what I see on Facebook, it appears there’s a General Election looming.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I’ve tried to make a bit of sense of it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Correct me if I’m wrong. But these are some of the main candidates for Prime Minister, and here are their plans:<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Theresa April<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Theresa has called an election to get some support so she can wave goodbye to some people in Europe. Her party has also promised a shake-up of the elderly care system. But does this “shake up of the elderly”<\/em> include free rides on the bone-shaking Big Dipper at Blackpool Pleasure Beach?<\/span><\/p>\n

Jeremy Carbon<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Jeremy wants to nationalise some things – like they used to be in the 1970s. I remember the 1970s well, so I do hope he brings back British Leyland because I used to like the Morris Marina that my cousin drove – even though it seemed to use more engine-oil than petrol. But at least it had a built-in rattle.<\/span><\/p>\n

Tim Fahrenheit<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Tim’s come up with an idea to charge everyone more tax, and he’ll give that money to the NHS. But I’ve got a better idea: why not have a vote to leave the EU so we can give the NHS \u00a33.6million every week. I’m surprised no one’s suggested that yet.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nicola Steadyon<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The SNP are into renewable energy. I don’t know why ‘cos it’s never windy in Scotland. But I actually like the idea of renewable energy. This morning I had a hot shower. If I can re-use this morning’s gas to cook dinner tonight, that’ll be fantastic.<\/span><\/p>\n

Paul Nutallergy<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Paul’s team, UKIP, wants to limit immigration. I never really understood calculus, and I bet you struggled with it too. So unless you’re a mathematician, limiting the amount of immigration by differentiation<\/em> that students have to work through can’t be that bad.<\/span><\/p>\n

Howling Laud Hope<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The leader of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party (and the only person whose name I managed to get right) has some powerful proposals which will save the NHS millions of pounds: “Germany to pay for all treatment of German Measles, and Spain ditto for Spanish Flu.”<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Election<\/a>So that’s it in a nutshell.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope I’ve summed up everyone intelligently.<\/span><\/p>\n

OK… forget that last sentence, then.<\/span><\/p>\n

All you need to do now is decide where to put your X.<\/span><\/p>\n

Or perhaps you could emigrate. <\/span><\/p>\n

Now there’s an idea.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mind you, where can we go now without a load of hassle?<\/span><\/p>\n

OK – I’m off to see Elon Musk. See you on Mars!<\/span><\/p>\n