David Withington

 

DAVID'S
JOKES PAGE

  

A few jokes courtesy of my hero, Tim Vine...

 

I bought some Armageddon cheese today.

And it said on the packet...

'Best Before End...'


 

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says...

"Audi!"
 

 


"I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me...

"Can you give me a lift?"

I said, "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

Tim Vine
Photo courtesy of http://www.premierjokes.com/tim-vine-jokes.html

"He said... I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library."

I thought "That's a turn-up for the books."
 

 source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/comedianjokes/timvinejokes.html

 

 

And a few more jokes from another king of the one liners, Milton Jones...

 

  Milton Jones

 

  I worked as a doctor for the World Health Organisation. I didn't mean to, I thought I was auditioning for Doctor Who. 

My wife - it's difficult to say what she does - she sells sea shells on the sea shore.

When I was 5 years old, my teacher asked me if I wanted to take the school guineau pig home.
7 months later, I arrived in the African republic of Guineau.

My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open. Which is probably why his submarine sank.

  

Source: http://www.premierjokes.com/milton-jones-jokes.html

 

 

 

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